


You Make me Strong.

by emaynestylinson



Series: Destiel-Set Fire to my heart part one. [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26602081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emaynestylinson/pseuds/emaynestylinson
Summary: Dean has always been afraid of accepting his feelings for castiel,i mean how would a relationship that is bound to end in  Tragedy  between an angel & a hunter Even work out? regardless with their world coming to an end & time is running out dean decides to finally accept them & tell cas but does cas feel the same?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Destiel
Series: Destiel-Set Fire to my heart part one. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935211
Kudos: 3





	You Make me Strong.

cas was sitting at a bar with a cheap beer placed in front of him on the worn, wooden counter. he was drifting off into thought while absentmindedly fiddling with a black button on his long trench coat. he was so developed in thought that he didnt even realize that dean had entered the bar. he kept twisting the button between his nimble fingers until he heard the voice of someone familiar. cas stared at him in shock.

"Hey cas?"what you doing here by yourself man?sam & i were looking for you.i was worried."dean asked briefly looking at cas making sure he's ok. Then dean takes his jacket off sitting next to cas on the barstool.he looked away & took a big shots of his whiskey then place in the overused shot glasses down the table ordering three more. 

"uhh.. im just..." cas paused trying to think of something to say. "thinking. i just came here to think." he settles on saying while he looked down at their feet, which were angled so that their toes were facing each other.

"Thinking about what? Those pumpkin pie happy go lucky Angels up there betraying you?" Dean makes adjuster to heaven with his index finger pointing up towards the bar ceiling.cas understands what dean means.  
"I mean come on cas,you know we would never do that to you right? I would never.You don't need those ass hats anyways.you're to good for them cas."dean smiles happily at cas, pattin him on the back."we're your family now."you got us."

cas paused a moment to stare at the winchester who had just spoken to him in a way that no one had before. he sat there and processed what dean said all while sitting there gazing at him with wide, blue eyes. "dean..." cas said with a whisper. "ive never had anyone say that to me. ive never had a family that cared." he said the last sentence in a volume that was barely audible.

"Well you got us & you're stuck with us.screw those son of bitches,they got nothing on real family.we'll kick ass & take names like we've always been doing" dean smirked & gazed at cas romantically."he took another shot. Ordering one more shot,then ordering a burger.

cas looked up & dean was staring intently in his blue eyes. he bit his lip and turned his body so that he was facing the bar again. he cradled his barely touched beer in his hands and looked out the corner of his eye to see dean taking a bite of a big burger.. "what are YOU doing here, dean?" cas asked him as he tilted his head at the man sitting next to him.

"I just stumped in here cause i had to make a pit stop cause." Dean pick up a menu with a slogan saying"we have the best burgers in town,come try them!".dean tryed to sidetrack castiel.he didn't want cas to know he was worried because then cas would bargain him with questions he didn't have answers to.& just like always Dean just left it at that. hoping cas wouldn't catch on to the awkward tension that was hidden in plain sight conversation.

cas smiled at deans word, the corner of his eyes having the familiar imprint of crows feet. he nodded slowly and squeezed the bottle of warming beer in this hands. "thank you dean" cas said in his gruff voice. "it's always a good feeling to have a friend.." cas sighed heavily, his chest rising and falling with the greatness of his exhale.

he nodded in understanding because it was normal for dean to come get a burger, he did it almost every place that they all stayed the night. cas didnt even try to hide the fact that he was watching dean at this point. he watched the way his eyes raked over the menu, his green eyes squinting as he read the cheap bar menu. his calloused hands tapped out s rhythm to a familiar song on the bars counter. cas saw the way that dean chewed the corner of his lip between his canines. dean finally ordered a burger and some more whisky.

"dean.." cas paused. he knew that something was wrong with dean. he never drank whiskey unless he was somehow upset about something. he had known this man for 5 years and knew that when he came to the bar and ordered a burger, he usually stayed away from the hard stuff like whiskey and settled on a plain old fashioned beer. "is something distressing you? why are you trying to get drunk?"

"I don't know cas, maybe because the freaking world is ending." Dean sighs,taking another swig of whisky. After that he seem to lose appetite as he pushed the burger to the side "i am very conflicted about my feelings towards someone & it's just I don't know what to do. & You know everything with Sam the Darkside I just want everything to be OK." Dean admits for the first time in ages he's honest with himself & he's scared not only for his brother but for cas. He doesn't want to lose neither of them.

"dean i dont know what exactly will happen when the darkness comes. I've never had to fight her, it was my brother who helped defeat her. but if it can be done once, then i am confident that that we can defeat her with the help of god" castiel said all of this with a determined glint in his blue eyes. "and about your conflicted feelings about someone.." cas paused to look away awkwardly because it hurt him to know that dean didnt feel the same way about him. "i know you have a bond with Amara and you cannot possibly control how you feel." cas knew that dean has a bond with the darkness. the mark connected them in a way that cas could never replicate. he felt a tug in his heart just by thinking about it.

"Damn it cas" dean hits the bar table.in frustration."its not that i want her I dont its this stupid mark we had that makes me feel for her.i hate it cause well to be honest like you said we always had a more profound bond then sam & you." Dean turned to look at castiel.his heart beat picked up quicker now knowing he finally told cas after all the years of denying it he was finally honest with himself & cas.but his heart pained at the idea cause he knows it could never happen,the Angels would kill cas or more importantly him.he is not scared of death as he's faced a lot.but he can't leave his brother and he never wants anything to happen to cas. But he has to be honest because if it was at least he would know how he feels.

castiel again sat there in shocked silence after hearing dean talk. he just sat there staring blankly at the blonde haired man in the plaid button down, old faded jeans and boots. he even forgot how to breathe because suddenly he felt as if his lungs were going to cave in and the feeling diminished once he took a deep inhale. how could dean feel that way toward him? he has done nothing good or worthy and he sat there pondering for what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few long moments. "you dont have to say those things about me..." cas suddenly jerked his head away so he didnt have to look into the other mans eyes. he grabbed his beer and drowned half of it before whispering to himself "they can't be true, these feelings" his hands made their way back to the larger black buttons on his trench coat. he yanked them and jerked them around while his hands started to shake with the effort of trying not to let a tear escape his eye. even though cas tried so hard to conceal his sadness about the winchester confessing his seemingly untrue (at least to cas) feelings about him, a tear had welled up and ran down his cheekbones and then down to his jaw where it sat for a second before plopping down onto the tan trench coat.

"Cas i can.i know what i feel towards you is real" dean gets up walking to were the angel sat on the barstool & stood behind him.after what seems like years which was only a brief 3.2 seconds he decided to wrap his arms around cas chest. Dean wasn't good with words. But he was good with comforting people after all he's had in his life he knew how to comfort someone. He hugged cas from behind wrapping his arms around his chest. "Come on cas you want to believe me there's a reason why everything happened between us there's a reason why you're still here there's a reason why I'm still here it mean something hell, I'm not one for reminiscing on the past but I know what I feel for you is real". After a short brief couple seconds of hugging Castiel.dean pulls away awkwardly standing behind the angel. Dean slipped on his Jean jacket& left a few tips for the bartender.Then made his way out of the old Western diner waiting for cas to hopefully follow up.

To say Dean was a nervous emotional wreck was an understatement.he was completely lost.but he knew he had to hold it together for his family.for team free will. Where he was going?. Dean had no clue. he just knew he had to figure out how to defeat the darkness save Sammy & save cas in the process that was the only thing on his mind as he made his way to his impala,he got in & started the engine. He sat there for a moment analyzing everything that just happened he never thought he would ever tell him how he felt but he knew it was the right choice.because even though he was a emotional wreck he knew deep down inside that at least he was honest with himself & that's all that mattered. Because even if it was the last day that they had with each other at least they were all together.

castiel couldn't believe that dean was telling the truth about his feelings and when dean stood up to stand behind him, a wave of fear rushed over cas. was he going to laugh at him and say this was all a joke? cas stiffened and waited for the antagonizing words to spill out of deans lips. but instead a pair of strong hands wrapped around castiels chest and he felt deans chest on his back. he gasped softly at this sudden contact froze there like a deer in headlights, unsure what to do or think. he then relaxed and loosened his clenched muscles. it has been ages since dean has been this close to him, he hasnt smelled the familiar dean scent this close up before and oh heavenly gods did he smell nice. cas' heart fluttered and he only hoped that dean coundnt feel it. dean spoke again and cas listened intently but couldn't make any words come out of his mouth- his mind reeling on everything that just happened. then the warm presence was letting go and walking slowly out of the bar/diner. cas turned and steared at the winchesters back. by the time he was able to process that dean was out the door he stumbled out of the wooden stool and walked out the door. he saw dean sitting in the impala. he calmly walked to the passenger side of the black shining impala and got in.

castiel sat there in the heavy silence of the impala looking out the windshield and all he could hear was deans nervous breathing. he turned to face dean and the second he turned to face the taller man sitting beside him he saw those intense forest green eyes looking directly at him. castiel stared right back at him. he saw that deans eyebrows were knit together as he practically gnawed on his lower lip. his eyes looked a mix between scared and hopeful. cas trailed his eyes down deans body and saw his hand sitting there limp in between them both, just laying on the seat. cas scooted closer to dean. so close that they're knees were bumping together. his eyes were still focused on deans hand. he gingerly reached his hand out and touched deans calloused hand.laying his own upon deans. he looked back up at dean to see if he was angry about what he had just done but it was now dean was the one who looked shocked.

cas turned deans hand over and laced their palms together and squeezing a little to comprehend the fact that dean wasn't objectifying.. cas leaned closer, so their faces were close together, lips inches apart "I have feelings for you too, dean" cas said in a voice so quiet he wasnt sure he actually said it.

Dean looked up at him shocked. This Just can't be real. he can't actually have feelings for him. Could he? After all he did turn against heaven for him, save him also sam multiple times."cas" deans voice spoke quietly as if he feared the angels would take him from him.

dean looked up at cas meeting his ocean orbs. Looking in each other's eyes you can tell that they fear of losing the fight. but also excitement worry & confusion.all of the emotions into one. What to make of this no one knew.. I mean how do you go about an angel loving a human? Vise Versace.  
would it even work out?. What if it don't work? What if one of them died? He just was so scared of losing cas cause he did once before whose to say he wont again?"cas what do we do?"he stared at cas intensely. Hoping the angel knew all the answers in the world but in reality he was just as scared as dean was.

Dean leaned towards castiel seeing his bright blue longing gaze he was centimeters away from his lips when a sudden jolt of loud music jerked dean back away from castiel in the process cas pulled his hand out of dean's grip. Dean glared up towards his phone seeing Sam on His caller ID on the screen. Dean sadly looked away from cas grabbing his phone putting it to his ear saying "yeah sam? Alright I'm heading there now. Bye" he said putting his phone in his pocket.

Dean briefly looked over towards Castiel who was just peering out the impala window with a sad look on his face. Dean sighed quietly before putting his hand on the car throttle shifting it into reverse & backing the impala out of the parking lot and quickly driving towards the hotel.

Dean couldnt understand why cas had let go of his hand & backed away so sudden. was it something he did? No it could've been right? Cas has to know his job is important & it came first. but he hopes HE dosent think its more then him.its not.dean sighed he felt some much mixed emotions he didn't know which one to follow..after an awkward few minutes of driving.they finally made it to the place.dean shut the car off.& turned facing cas.sighing bravery dean scooted closer.eyeing making sure he's ok with this.cas nods softly.dean turns so that his lips are few centimeters away from castiel lips & leans forward briefly & kisses him on the lips.after that he makes his way out of the car and up to the hotel.

cas was confused. why did dean leave right after kissing him just then? why didnt dean kiss him in the car before his phone went off? how did dean not know? cas was holding his hand and he told dean he had feelings for him. hell, he was even centimeters away from his face practically asking dean to close the distance. but then deans phone rang and he completely ignored cas and what had happened. cas knew he meant little to dean because a damn phone call was more important than his feelings put all in the open for dean to crush like they were simply a bug on the impalas windshield. castiel continued to sit in the car, confusion taking over. he didnt want to face dean. he knew the kiss dean gave him in the car only minutes ago was a meaningless pity kiss. dean didnt care. cas decided he didnt want to go into the shitty motel room and have to spend the night feeling like shit and unwanted in deans presence.so instead he rested his head on the cool window and watched the cars pass by for hours.

Dean made his way up the old concrete hotel stairs to the room.& opened the door to the hotel room & saw Sam glued to his laptop as always in research & books surrounding the computer. "What you got Sammy?"He asked ruffling his coat off to the coathanger in the closet.he made his way towards the fridge to get a beer,sitting down on the left chair across the little coffee table in the hotel waiting for sams response.  
"Ok."sam looked at dean & could sense by his body language something was wrong.he decided to pick up on it."where is cas", you know it would be helpful if he was here considering he's an angel he could help us."Sam asked.

"Why are you asking where he is?  
"We don't need his help with everything we're capable of it."Now what's the case?"dean barked.Before drinking half the beer bottle he placed it once finished on the table.& he crossed his arms across his chest.eyeing sam carefully.

Sam shook his head deciding to drop the questions.if there's one thing Sam Winchester knows about his brother-its that you don't pressure him into making him tell you things when he's not ready.dean will eventually tell you.he always does.So sam didn't ask anymore questions. he just started talking about the case.

"Ok so meg said her & ruby found out where crowley was hiding the colt."Sam said.

Dean raised his eyebrows together."so what you're telling me that they're best friends now? It makes perfect sense that both are lying bitches." Dean shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't know dean but we need all the help we can get."sam strolled down the webpage quickly before adding."they said that they can help us. I told them I don't know I know you don't like them but Dean if they could help us we should do it." Sam egged on.

"To hell & back,christ no I'm not doing that. You can't trust them sam. Hell remember the last time you trusted a demon over me? Dean subconsciously brought up.Oh yeah the world ended"dean paused exhaling some anger before speaking again "look Sam,We can't trust them for all we know they could be working with crowely& this could be a trap"Dean spat out roughly.

Sam lowered his head rolling his Eyes"Fine" sam shut his laptop getting up, stretching his arms above his head making his bones crack. "your call, I guess we'll just go in empty handed again, since you always seem to know what's best" sam spat as he stood up from the chair & grabbed his coat on from behind the chair & headed out the hotel door.

cas had drifted off to sleep with his face pressed up against the cold window that was now fogged up because of his breath. he slowly peeled his face off the window and took a deep breath lazily staring out at the hotel. he sat there, still leaning his shoulder against the metal door. he wondered if it was safe enough for him to go into the room and try to get a bed or a sofa (he'd even be happy on the floor) in the shitty hotel room because anything would be better than sleeping up against the impala door.

he massaged his stiff neck with his hands while working up the nerve to get out of the car. he finally jumped out of the car after locking Baby up and made his way to the room. he walked up to the door he saw dean enter hours ago before he fell asleep. he began to turn the handle of the door but suddenly there was a force from the inside also opening the door and he let go to find dean on the other side looking shocked to see cas standing across from him outside the doorway.

cas wanted to ask where dean was going but he was still untrusting in the fact that his emotions would get the better of him and he would break. so instead he just stood there awkwardly staring at the taller blonde hair man wearing his pajamas- sweatpants and a tee shirt.

"Oh, hi um". You can come in if you want"Dean stepped aside & gestured for cas to come inside once inside dean made his way over to sit on the couch waiting for him to come join.

As Dean waited he picked at his nails from the anxiety & the nerves that started to kick in. what was he suppose to say? How is he going to explain everything to him & not sound crazy? Dean sighed tiredly & stressed he moved his hand down his face.& took a deep breath then yawn with tiredness.dean was never good with emotions & he knew castiel could sense it.so he tired his best to reflect his emotions before speaking.

cas lingered at the door and it was clear to both winchesters that cas was hesitant. sam simply stared at cas before he made his way towards his bed saying " for the love of God please handle your business. I'm sick of being stuck in the middle" Sam says before placing headphones in his ears & pullin the blankets over himself as he got comfortable in his bed. shutting his bed table light off.

dean looked around the room nervously as cas slowly shut the door. cas took in a shallow breath as he cautiously made his way to the couch next to dean.

he sat as far away from dean as he could because he was still upset about what happened and knew that dean didn't actually like him and only kissed him because he felt sorry because cas was crying a little bit in the car during their ride here. "what did you want to talk about, dean?" cas said in a weary voice.

"For hurting you" dean looked down sadden he hated hurting cas but casitel had to understand saving people comes first it always did.  
castiel sat there on the couch frozen in place. he stared at the ground on his feet in aggravation. his hands made his way to his coat button once again and he started violently jerking it in twisting motions to relieve some of his anger and annoyance. did dean really think a simple apology would magically fix everything? dean toyed with his emotions. he put everything out on the line for the man. he confessed his feelings to him that he could barely admit to himself. he was so disappointed in himself for letting dean make him feel so low. it wasnt fair that dean didnt give a shit about his feelings but cas cared so much. he got that hunting came first but dean could have put the call off for a moment longer and just say that he didn't care about cas rather than just dismissing his feelings completely. 

cas was starting to tear up already just by thinking about it all. "its fine dean" cas uttered out in a harsh growl. "can i crash in here tonight or do i have to find somewhere else to sleep?" cas said adverting his eyes and biting his lip to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. 

Dean scooted closer towards castiel his green forest orbs looking at castiel before speaking." You can stay in my bed if you want." Im sorry about getting the call i can tell by your body language you'll upset & mad still.just know I'm sorry & I do care about your feelings.you just have to understand im not use to this feeling.being into guys.with girls it just came naturally but with guys? It's completely different.& its even more hard that your an angel.so im sorry cas i really am." Dean says sighing worrriedly." I dont wanna lose you.& if its not from the angels its gonna be from my dumbass & im sorry."  
Dean said quietly. 

castiel sat there continuing to stare blankly at his feet. because he refused to believe what dean was saying. how could he care? he still sat there not saying anything and unmoving. eventually dean sighed and got up and made his way to bed. cas was alone on the lumpy couch. he heard sams signature snore and smiled a little. he was still thinking about what dean said and cursed himself for being so stupid and not going to bed with him. he gingerly took off his coat and his shoes and crawled into bed with dean.

The morning after the fight between cas & dean.Dean had made his way out of the motel early enough so he didn't wake up sam or cas,he needed some time to himself with his thoughts they were driving him insane.it's like one of those feelings you get where you know you should say something but you don't? you hold it back In fear of losing someone or overthinking or just thinking that you're the only one who feels that way? well that was dean situation right now.yes he admitted to cas & cas did to him they felt the same but now what? Cas said be happy? How could dean be happy when all he ever thinks about losing cas not to his job but just afraid he'll die..he was lost in his head. & everytime he didn't say what he felt it kept repeating over & over & over & over again.the same words constantly in his mind repeating his head burning with a bad headache that medication can't kill.

dean sighed as he made his way over the old beaten warn out old bridge he's known to come here sometime whenever he's trying to clear his head.he sat down on the bridges wooden seat & drank his beer mind lost in between thoughts & reality.how was he suppose to act? How was he suppose to face this- how when he was scared? 

How when he always knew he had to put on a brave face for those around him so they could lean on him for support.he was the only one who held this family together through think & thin & he couldn't break now.he had to stay strong but there is only so much a person can put themselves through before they break themselves.

"Dean?" dean head snapped up from looking down at the wooden bridge & his old warned out boots.he knew that voice from anywhere.he could recall that voice in his sleep..well he did a couple of times but who's to know that? Dean eyes met with a crystal blue ords that were filled with so much emotion & concern for the young Winchester.

"are you alright?" castile asked his voice fulled with worry as he made his way closer to dean on the seat.

"yeah I'm fine how'd you find me I thought you were asleep." Dean added placing his empty beer bottle on the wood below him.

"Angels don't sleep." Cas side glances at dean with a smirk.

"hm"Dean muffed."well yes I'm fine,what you doing here? Is it something with sam? He ok?" dean asked fulled with worry about his little brother.of course he knew he forgot something which happen to be his phone,he dosent go anywhere without it.but of course the one time he does cas shows up.he slightly prays his brothers alright.

Cas knitted his eyebrows together in confusion."Oh yes dean your brother is alright still sound asleep."I just knew you needed someone right now,you know it's not healthy to keep thoughts to yourself."cas said reading his thoughts.

Dean sighed stressfully."Damn it cas."he said annoyingly he hates when cas reads his mind,ever heard of personal mind space? apparently castiel forget to remember that sometimes dean needs that.

"I'm sorry dean I'm only trying to help,I know you are worried about me,& your brother but don't,I am here for you.it's my job to protect you two.you even more now then ever."cas says dean looks up at him smiling briefly forgetting that he was even annoyed just 1.2 seconds ago.

"Thanks cas."dean smiled happily.for some reason cas always know what to say & do to make dean not worry I guess it's an angel thing but to say dean wouldn't still be thinking contently about everything is understatement cause he will because well that's who Dean IS.he worries because he cares so much about everyone.but along the way of falling for an angel dean catches himself trying to care about himself more too considering well he has to cause if not who would help keep Sammy from falling apart?

dean leans his head on cas shoulder cas lazily dropping a arm around dean pulling him closer to him,so the Winchester face was comfortably pressed up against the crook of cas neck. Inhaling cas scent that he missed so much.dean exhaled slowly.

"you're welcome dean, don't worry so much we'll work this out"cas added a little seconds later he kisses dean forhead before resting his head on top of deans.both boys looking ahead over the warn out old bridge's sky which was now lightening up with a beautiful pinkish orange color for morning sunrise.

Dean just hummed in response knowing that eventually everything will fall into place & he needs to trust that cause what else more could he do? He sat cuddled up into castiel embrace & just enjoyed the morning sunrise with castiel.


End file.
